Teaching patience and the everlasting gobstopper

It's an interesting situation when you find yourself trying to teach your little one complex thought processes such as patience or the concept of "gone".

Before becoming a mom, I never really thought about the fact that I would be faced with teaching my little guy such intangible things. Sure, I knew I would have to teach him to share, how to count and how not to hold on to the dog's tail like a rodeo clown. But instilling in him an important life-skill like patience? Or that blueberries aren't like an everlasting gobstopper? That, contrary to his current thought process, there isn't a never-ending supply in the refrigerator, no matter how much he points to the door?

I found myself face-to-face with the developmental dilemma this weekend as the K man and I were planting the last bunch of strawberry plants.

As a child, I always loved picking blackberries and strawberries out of my grandmother's garden, so I conjured up the brilliant idea that maybe the K man would have fun planting strawberries this year. I imagined how he would get a kick out of spying that bright red berry and plucking it from the plant and popping it into his mouth. He would see where strawberries came from and quite possibly understand that they don't just miraculously appear in the refrigerator. Who was I kidding? He's 1.5 years old.

These two concepts intersected when, as I had hoped, he did get excited when he spied the bright red "ball", as he called it, and  quickly plucked it off and popped it into his mouth. The problem was, he wanted more.

What I failed to understand is, this 2 foot-tall little rock star is a strawberry fiend and couldn't possibly comprehend the concept of why he would have to "wait" for the green berry to turn red. What was wrong with the green berries? Why weren't there more of the red ones? It was everything I could to do to stop him from pulling every immature little green fruit off the plant without the subsequent meltdown that I just knew was bubbling under that quivering lip. Maybe the homegrown fruit will have to wait until later.

Teaching patience to a toddler who's vocabulary consists of about 10 words that range from "ball" to "Uh-o", can be somewhat of a challenge. Often it's hard for him to express himself.  And at 1.5 he has not yet developed the coping skills to be able to "wait".  I know its frustrating to him, especially when the little guy has finished up his crackers, blueberries, strawberries (insert toddler treat here) and starts to point to where these little treats "live" and says; "more". When there isn't any more, it's a rough go and often requires the fine art of misdirection.

I have read that I am supposed to "model patience" for him since he is always learning from me. I should be aware of the words and body language I use when I have to wait for something. For example, instead of acting anxious when stuck in traffic, I should put in a relaxing CD. Hmmm...so I guess teaching him to yell at the cars in front of us to "get out of mommy's way" is the wrong thing to do. Check.

Teaching him this important life-skill will take some time and absolutely some patience on my part. But I realize that it will make for a happier, less stressed-out kid later. And its truly introspective when you think about how you handle these types of situations. Motherhood is an incredible journey. One that often takes you down roads you never thought you would travel.  I just love to watch him bloom everyday into his own little being and it has truly been a gift to be able to share all these little challenges with him.


I found a few tips on teaching patience. Thought I would share:

• Model patience. Your child is always learning from you, so be aware of the words and body language you use when you have to wait for something. Instead of acting anxious when you're stuck in traffic, put in a relaxing CD, for example.

• Use reflective listening. Young children don't have to words to express what they're feeling, but you can help verbalize those emotions. In the checkout line, you might say, "I know it's hard to wait. This is taking a long time, but you're doing a great job waiting." If you acknowledge your child's struggle, he'll naturally try harder.

• Keep expectations reasonable. Asking your preschooler to wait an hour for food is just too long. At a restaurant, ask your server to bring bread or crackers as soon as you sit down, and have a book or quiet game handy to keep your child occupied.

• Help her develop strategies for waiting. When you must wait, help your child figure out what she can do to pass the time. Say, "What can we do while we're waiting? Should we sing songs or read a book?"

• Use a timer to help your child visualize the wait. If he is begging for a story, but you need time to finish what you're doing, set an egg timer for 5 minutes and tell him that when the bell rings, you'll read the book.

• Consider preschool. One of the real values of having your child in a program before kindergarten is that she learns waiting and self-control — two foundations of school readiness. If your child hasn't learned these skills by the time she starts school, her impatience may draw a negative response from the teacher and other students.

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